Fifteen men on a dead man’s chest, yo ho ho and a bottle of rum…

Ahoy, matey! In celebration of Talk Like A Pirate Day, I’ve come back to buckle me swash for one more time. Be there anything more noble than affecting a faux-Welsh accent for one day of the year? None, says I. Today, we be takin’ a look at Here There Be Robots, a webcomic hosted by Random Pirate Comics and created by two boys with the last name of Gregory. I suspect they be brothers, but ’tis a common name, so coincidence is not out of the question, savvy?

Right away, I smelled something fishy afoot, and for once it weren’t me stinky socks. Robots and pirates in the same comic? If me head weren’t spinning enough, it be twirling like a dervish when I learned that the main characters be two aliens named Oscar and Rob. Arrr, them Gregorys weren’t kiddin’ about being random, were they? But when ye stop to think about it, it isn’t so strange. No, matey, not strange at all. The last Pirates of the Caribbean featured an indecipherable fortune teller who turned out to be a Greek sea goddess made out of crabs. No, I not be lying to ye. And before that, thar be a man with a squid for a face whose heart be locked inside a treasure chest. Yarr. P’rhaps pirate stories just lend themselves natural-like to such oddities. Speaking for meself, matey, I’ve got a soft spot for quirky, off-beat tales… be it a comic about a doctor who is also a ninja or a 1940’s P.I. operating in a post-apocalyptic world filled with mutants.

Oscar’s a wide-eyed, idealistic diplomat who seems to have learned Earth culture from movies and trivia cards. Rob’s a large feller, built like an ox, and he’s more quiet and reserved … a finer first mate ye’ll never meet (though here there call him a security officer… whatever that be). The aliens be on a peaceful mission to Earth, but things change when they unwittingly crash land in a factory full of robots with murder in their hearts. After a series of startlin’ coincidences, they create something called a “wormhole” — though they be mighty large worms to form a hole of that size, says I. Earth be destroyed, and the aliens and robots be sucked in to the spacial anomaly. When they emerge on the other side, the lads find themselves sent back in time to the era where women were women and men wore frilly shirts and fancy hats.

The alien lads are quite keen on not disturbin’ anything in the past, lest they screw up the future. (Wouldn’t ya know it, it means that ye mustn’t step on butteflies … though displays of raw, property-destroying carnage are still fair game. Arrrr.) The robots, on the other hand, have quickly adapted to their surroundings — even creating their own crablike attack vehicle, wouldn’tcha know — and are running amok. Both sides soon don pirate finery to blend in with the locals. They’re all after the same thing: to find the flying saucer what brought them here.

The art be quite attractive, in that charming old-school way. The principal characters appear suitably harsh and angular, like they be spawned from the inkwells of Invader Zim’s Jhonen Vasquez and Dresden Codak’s Aaron Diaz. The pirate folk look rightfully grotesque. The overall grittiness reminds me of the old woodcuts ye’d see in Harper’s Weekly, with a touch of ye old 60’s-70’s underground comix design ethic thrown in for good measure. The action scenes are rendered with a strong use of perspective, somewhat of a rarity in webcomics these days. From time to time, however, this style be to the detriment. Some of the action scenes felt static, and other times it just be a chore to follow.

Here There Be Robots is not nearly as random as the Random Pirate Comics label seems to imply. Oh, don’t be mistaken, lads, there be plenty of moments that straddle the absurd. Sometimes they shiver me timbers in a good way, like the mighty Pandorca, a killer whale with big, beefy arms. Sometimes they deserve to be sent straight to Davy Jones’ locker, such as the breakdance fight that goes on for far too long. It did nothing to tickle me funnybone, and I spent most of me time thinkin’ the joke be more appropriate on Family Guy. And sometimes they be swimmin’ like bilge rats, like … well, to be honest with ye, I’m not quite sure what that aphorism means. Yarr! Overall, the string of nonsequiturs be not too distanced from the context of the story — certainly not random in the way I understand it, says I — and are not unnecessarily distracting at any point.

Also, truth be told, there hardly be any pirates in this comic! Oh, sure, yer dressing up aliens and robots in pirate garb. But the lads lack the unique personality that makes a buccaneer a buccaneer. If I dress up me couch pillow in an eye-patch and peg leg, does that make it a pirate? No, says I, though, admittedly, it be rather cute. The pirates in Here There Be Robots are background characters, and very few be important enough to factor into the story. Mostly, they be there for throwaway gags. However, I must say I was filled with glee to see that one of the key pirates was a bonny pirate lass. This alone puts Here There Be Robots heads above other pirate themed webcomics I’ve seen. YARR-HAR!

So here be the bottom line. I’m not willing to pay the four doubloons the Gregory boys ask for on the covers of Here There Be Robots. That be a tad pricey, says I. But after all’s said and done, I did enjoy their odd little story. The end of Book Three made me genuinely curious as to what seafaring adventures Oscar and Rob would get themselves into. Sometimes, that’s all this salty old seadog needs.

Now come along, lads and lasses! Join me in a pirate jig, for old time’s sake!

Legend grew about their daring, never did they walk the plank, they all shared one golden earring, and the truth is they all stank…

Rating:

Here There By Pirates
by Gregory & Gregory
http://randompiratecomics.net/webpages/robots.htm
Reviewed by Larry “The Pirate El Santo” Cruz

(2 votes, average: 5 out of 5)

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