This makes three “humor” strips in a row. I’m going to get a reputation as a grumpy reviewer who hates comics at this rate. I love comics, really! …just not these ones.

Okay, for our next dose of fourish-panels-in-a-row wish-I-were-in-the-newspaper-funnies strip, we get The Wannabe Pirates by Largent and McCrary. Mercifully, this comic follows a storyline. Unmercifully, it’s not much of a story. Captain Errol Flemm and Mister Sneeze are two pirates who know nothing about piracy. Or the way the world works. Sadly, these traits don’t help them stand out much from the supporting cast. It’s safe to say that real-world seafaring does not apply here. (A 300 gun frigate? Puh-leaze. That’s a bath-tub galleon if anything…certainly nothing that’d actually sail…) Which leaves the ZANY and no mercy on my soul.

Let me first be clear that this isn’t a bad comic. It’s just nothing special. We’ve got the pristine, clean, flashy Flash look that’s been gaining popularity ever since, uhm, I’ll say Penny Arcade. The work is varied enough to almost mask the copious amounts of cut and paste. I can read the comic without trouble, and while I have general animosity for the Comicpress layout, nothing unusual irks me about the website. Nothing at all special, which leaves the gimmick of incompetant pirates and “monkeys make everything funny.” Which, again, is…nothing special.

I can nitpick. It bothered me that the “French” pirate Cutthroat Jacques had an inconsistant accent. The beards have no shading, which looks really strange when the faces do. Occasionally, earrings would mysteriously vanish or change color. Now, why would I even notice minute details like this? Hint: I was booooored. I was so bored that I took several hour breaks between sets of ten pages. I was so bored that 87 pages seemed like forever (and I usually plow through several hundred page archives like it’s nothin’.) I was so bored I considered complaining to the boss. Stop making me read this stuff!

I’ll give it two stars because while I didn’t enjoy this comic, I know a few third-graders that would.

(For the record, the most guns a frigate ever carried was probably 60.) Rating:

The Wannabe Pirates
http://thewannabepirates.com
by Largent & McCrary
review by Sly Eagle
(2 votes, average: 4.5 out of 5)

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I am not even going to attempt to write this review in pirate-speak. I make about as convincing a pirate as I do a ninja. Which is to say, not at all.

It’s the story of two men, Captain Errol Phlegm and First Mate Sneeze, who are about as ill-equipped to sail the Spanish Main and plunder as I am. The difference is, I know I could never be a pirate and they don’t. Know they are ill-equipped, I mean. They don’t know I’m ill-equipped; they don’t know I exist. Although the Storyteller seems to. He has this eerie habit of looking right at the camera when he’s moving the story along past the unimportant and unfunny stuff.

That little bit of “tripping over your own tongue to explain that thing you said in the previous sentence” that I did there? That’s about the level of humor in “Pirates” most of the time, if you replace the word “sentence” with “panel.” There’s a lot of not-so-deft wordplay and very obvious puns. And we all know how much I enjoy that type of humor, even when it’s not as sharp and witty as it could be. Take the main character’s names for instance. Yes, the Captain’s name is a play on possibly the most famous buccaneer in movie history (at least until that Captain Jack upstart came along), and the First Mate’s name is a play on one of the most recognizable pirate sidekicks in children’s literature (think Disney). But the names also go together well. There are the requisite jokes about pirate accoutrements and a cameo by several of the more famous pirate captains (although I was hoping The Dread Pirate Roberts would appear on that page as well).

The first major storyline goes on just a bit too long, and by the time that sorta creepy Storyteller who started things off comes back, it feels like even the creators have gotten bored with it and bring him back just to summarize what might have taken another 6 pages to show in detail.

I can easily see “Wannabe Pirates” as a children’s Saturday morning cartoon. There’s nothing inappropriate about the humor; kids will love the sheer stupidity of Captain Phlegm and how he blunders through everything. And the art style certainly fits that mode of animation, with thick torsos perched on much smaller legs and large visual reactions.

I’m going to give “Pirates” four stars, mostly for being a bit visually different from the stuff we’ve been reviewing, and for the fact that while the humor may not appeal to adults, it will surely appeal to children. Which isn’t a bad target audience when you really think about it. Rating:

The Wannabe Pirates
http://thewannabepirates.com
by Largent & McCrary
review by Anthony R. Cardno
(4 votes, average: 4.75 out of 5)

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Hi everyone. Here goes my début review on Comic Fencing. Wish me luck! The Wannabe Pirates by Largent and McCrary is a comic about pirates. So it be! What is it about pirates that instantly forces you to join in and start behaving and talking like a moron? It isn’t that way with other pop culture types – superheroes, zombies, ninjas, samurai, nerds, etc. OK maybe that last one. I’m certainly not immune to the piratical virus myself. Avast behind!

I’ve been asked to review the comic, but really it seems only to be part of a much bigger project with ambitions in the arena of animated cartoons. The evidence available seems to suggest that ambition might not be so difficult to fulfill. I was completely side-tracked reading from reading the comic by the news archive which contains all matter of goodies including 3-D modeling of the main characters, models of the ship, wallpapers, background info on the development of the project as a whole and even a movie clip - all suggesting that these guys are serious and hungry to make their venture a success. I wish them all the luck too – it’s quality work.

The comic therefore is really just some supporting material that helps the main animation project along. It’s obvious to a one-eyed pirate how good the other material is, but the comic itself? Well the weakest part for me is the actual cartooning which is a good attempt but lacking in any real distinctive style. That said, the creator’s probably weren’t even going for a style, more an imitation of what is already accepted. There is very little movement in the characters at the beginning which doesn’t disturb me too much, but later there seems to be a suggestion of something approaching sprite comics where figures seem be no more than cut-outs, being moved around the panel into a rough approximation of where they should be in relation to the action. If anything it’s getting flatter and flatter completely at odds with the 3-D ambitions of the project.

At the very least it’s functional and you always know what it is you’re looking at thankfully. That goes for the lettering and colouring (proper spelling btw) – all adequate but not overly inspiring. That’s not much of a criticism though as I hardly think these guys are after that particular prize. I think they’re more interested in character and design and making this a viable pitch rather than a long running webcomic. That idea makes sense to me and I think they should pursue it. As an animation I’m sure it’ll make ten times the impact it would have as a webcomic.

There are currently three story arcs on site and in the first the writing, considering the jokey, throw-away nature of the subject is really rather good. It carried me along with it and despite having seen this kind of thing before, I laughed. I laughed at most of the jokes and found the writing pleasant to read. I found a certain wit in the choice of words. All vaguely anachronistic but pleasant all the same. I warmed to the characters and fell into the conceit of the story easily, though that might all be the effects of the pirate virus.

The following two chapters did not fair so well. It’s always going to be a struggle to create the actual adventure and fit in both character and punch line within the three to four panel format. If you describe any action it leaves little time for the joke and if you rely on the joke the story doesn’t progress. There are only so many pirate jokes and the first chapter describes them all very well. I don’t believe there is an awful lot more for the creators to say on the subject. I am reminded of the struggle TV sitcoms have in making the transition to the big screen, not that that happens much any more, but the problem always was that a half hour sitcom is really just talking heads. The gags are in the situation and the conversation and the characterisation - hardly at all in the action or the extrapolation of the story. I think the writing suffers from chasing after the plot which isn’t that strong to be honest. My sympathies lie entirely with the characters and the plot is disturbing the writing which makes the later strips fall quite flat.

What I like about the creators is that they actually refer to each other by their surnames which is rather pirate like. I wouldn’t be surprised if they actually pronounced them in pirate style as L-ARR-gent and McCr-ARR-y! I’m a sucker for endlessly repeating the same joke over and over again until the brain starts dissolving so it’s easy for me to imagine them in a studio cranking this stuff out endlessly trying to force pirate speak into their everyday conversation until the sad day it spills over into a conversation with someone inappropriate in the real world. I can see their future mapped out for them. One day pirate comics. Then slow mental collapse. An early grave. X marks the spot. Arr!

In summation I don’t think it’ll make for an unmissable webcomic read any time soon, but I’ll be ready to tune into the cartoon series any time it makes it’s début. The stars are for the comic. The project has many more. Rating:

The Wannabe Pirates
http://thewannabepirates.com
by Largent & McCrary
review by Mike Perridge
(8 votes, average: 4 out of 5)

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My dear ol’ mother used to tell me that when you can’t say anything nice about something, don’t say anything at all. However, as anyone who has read my reviews will tell you, that’s one piece of advice I didn’t exactly pick up on. I do, however, usually not say much about a subject when there really isn’t anything to say. Such is the case with this latest item for our review, Wannabe Pirates.

It was family friendly, which was a plus. The art was crisp and clean but seemed a bit stilted and, to be honest, I didn’t really laugh or smile a lot as a read it. Does that mean, however, it was a bad comic? Not at all. It just means that whatever it was that really strikes me as funny wasn’t there.

It’s definitely a comic that will appeal to some tastes and not to others, and so I encourage you to read it for yourself and see what you think.

For me, I give it 3 stars, if for no other reason than being a fairly unique (at least to me) concept, and for the positives noted above.

The Doctor

Rating:

The Wannabe Pirates
http://thewannabepirates.com
by Largent & McCrary

(3 votes, average: 2.33 out of 5)

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Let me give you the high points of what has happened so far in The Wannabe Pirates. Captain Errol Flemm wants to be a pirate. He wants the crew to sing four part harmony, rescue maidens and sail around looking for treasure, like he thinks all good pirates should do. He has a semi-loyal sidekick named Mr. Jeremiah Sneeze. I won’t spoil it here, but they have an amusing discussion about how far his loyalty should go and what he should be willing to do. In the end, Mr. Sneeze compromises.

After that is settled, they run into a little trouble trying to acquire a ship and a crew. Even though there are many applicants, they end up with a mute pig-latineer named Poco Boco who serves as crew. You would think that they would be able to ‘pirate’ starting immediately. But it’s not that simple.

It appears there are certain requirements to being a pirate that maybe you aren’t aware of. Watch out for the parrots, that’s all I’m saying. The parrots are so cool. They are also a very creative twist on the pirate genre.

The art has a regular, consistent quality with good linework and some shadows. The backgrounds are usually textured and the color has a good vibrancy to it. The only downside is that it looks (to me) like it is done as a cut and paste with vector images of the characters.

I want to stress that the character designs are well done and there is some repetition of poses, but the mix seems pretty good. Some comics purposely use this cookie-cutter sort of technique very effectively, so it’s not necessarily a bad approach. For this comic, the pasted character images leaves them with little in the way of implied motion. I would say that’s an important piece of the swashbuckling feel. For me, that left Wannabe Pirates a little lacking.

Not too much, though. I have only one other small quibble with Mr. Sneeze’s intermittent pirate lingo and his little catchphrase “Ya think.” It was funny as a one-off but it was less so the next time. I’m not sure why I wanted the characters to speak all-piratey all the time.

Then I simply remind myself that Wannabe Pirates is a humorous pirate comic. It’s light reading and the storytelling is fairly well paced. It’s not a bad pirate comic, actually. It wouldn’t be good for my health, but I’d join this crew. Rating:

Also: There are plans for doing the Wannabe Pirates as a 3-D cartoon. The title bar has the 3-D version of Captain Flemm and there is a 3-D version of the ship. And here is a color shot of Poco In Peril. The animated adventures are supposed to be released starting in September. I’m interested to see how that works out.

The Wannabe Pirates
http://thewannabepirates.com
by Largent & McCrary
review by Delos Woodruff
(3 votes, average: 5 out of 5)

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