I have tried to rewrite this review many times and no matter how I do it, it never seems as honest as this one. So here goes. I didn’t like this comic, really, at all, nor would I recommend it to others to read. Why? Here’s why:

1. It has all the earmarks of a Harry Potter knock off, for one, complete with spooky locales, scary people (two she ran into in the library looked like zombies with eye sockets instead of eyes, or as though their eyes had been torn out) and bizarre happenings. All I could think of as I read it was waiting for someone like Snape to show up, or Nearly Headless Nick to come by and make a joke and then go off again, or a book to scream in Harry Pott….I mean, sorry…Antimony’s face. I was surprised she wasn’t named Hermione, to be honest. The comic also was very dark, much like the Potter books became. There is real, concrete evil in the world - I don’t need to be immersed in it in a webcomic. That was a definite turn-off, just as something like The Care Bears is a complete turn-off at the other extreme.

2. Characterizations - The characters themselves seemed like contrivances, honestly, in the way in which they were created and seemed to develop. (Read that as “unimaginative”) Antimony reminded me way too much of Daria, a character from the old MTV days who I simply could not stand in any capacity. If you don’t know who Daria is, look her up and you’ll see what I mean. Never smiles, you can almost HEAR her speak in that flat monotone, and you get the feeling she tolerates the people around her who aren’t as “with it” as she is. I kept having the urge to reach into the comic and slap her and tell her to get OVER herself. I can’t help but wonder who it is that actually identifies with a character like this? Her “best friend” is every bit as bad, not only being the obligatory anchor for Antimony but having all the earmarks of also being a romantic interest, (oh, yay) as is the “guy who turns into a wolf and still talks” - standard inclusions for stories of this nature.

Suffice to say just once I’d like to see a happy, well adjusted person in one of these comics who still has odd things happen to them instead of the typical “smarter than everyone else/out of step with everyone else” character like they have here. Contrary to popular opinion not every intelligent or learned person is either (a) totally out of step with reality, (b) a complete social pariah or (c) cynical and depressed sounding because the people around them are just SO un-intelligent.

3. Far too much of the supernatural/mystical/mythological stuff to even make for an enjoyable read. One comic in particular has her talking to one of the beings who supposedly come to take any and everything away that die. I believe they are called “psychopomp.” (I hope I get geek bonus points for knowing that, or something) As expected, almost no one else can see them, and so that makes her “special,” somehow, rather than the horrified person she’d be if she REALLY saw supernatural entities of the kind described here. In the beginning of the webcomic she gets an extra shadow, and then - surprise! - it starts to talk to her. Of course, she takes it in stride and helps the shadow out. Excuse me? Fiction or no, isn’t that just a bit of a stretch to expect people to swallow? She didn’t even bat an eye, as though this stuff happens all the time. It smacks of shoe-horning to get to a desired point, rather than good storytelling that brings you there with the characters. Kind of a “Even though it makes no sense at all, I’ll have her just ‘oh well’ the extra shadow so we can get rolling.” Sloppy.

4. The overall background and coloring was drab, and then some. If depression were expressed as a comic, this would be it. Can you imagine actually ATTENDING a school like that? God help you. I have yet to see one, myself, and pray no one would ever send their child to such a dreary, dark place as the school depicted here, fiction or no. It makes me wonder, at the risk of being offensive, just exactly what issues the author is dealing with, themselves.

I’m sure there are people out there who think that this comic is just the living end. To me, it’s yet another send off of established stories, mediocre art work and a comic that tries FAR too hard to be something symbolic, heavy, and dramatic.

I give it 1 star. Rating:

The Doctor

Gunnerkrigg Court
http://www.gunnerkrigg.com/
by Tom Siddell
review by the Doctor
(28 votes, average: 1.61 out of 5)

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When I became a reviewer for this page I had visions of providing insightful commentary on well drawn, well scripted and well thought out comics. With the notable exception of Lackadaisy, however, most of them seem to fall into one of three categories:

1. Terrible

2. No imagination

3. Rehash of the same tired formulas that have existed since Grogg the caveman said “Ug! What up with thaaaaaaaaat?” way back in 50000 BC. And yes - that’s a direct dig on Seinfeld, who to me is about as funny as having my teeth forcibly extracted with a hammer and chisel.

Reality, when it set it, was a harsh mistress who insisted on laughing at me as I groaned and slogged my way through our latest review - Applied Living. I couldn’t really say it fell into category 1, and only partially into 2, but 3 seemed a pretty good choice. Unlike my eternally neutral and yet well respected colleague, Delos, who talked about the cast page and described the characters in detail as part of his peerless prose on art, I can sum it up pretty well in about…oh…3 points. (1) Voice of reason is one character. Voice of emotion and/or “fun loving spirit” is the other (read that as ‘the straight man and the VERY obnoxious wannabe cool character’ and you’re pretty well on the beam), (2) standard sitcom formulas and situations, altered only slightly enough to not be sued for copyright infringement by just about any show out there, and (3) WAYYYY too many attempts at depth and symbolism.

My main complaint? It tries too hard. It strikes me as yet another comic trying to be very intellectual and speak to all the different levels of consciousness, our struggles in life and all the other psychobabble bull…patties that you get in any standard philosophy course, instead of just being ENTERTAINMENT. Maybe I’m old fashioned, but when I sit there either scratching my head or saying “oh, come ON….” as I read the comic and wonder if the artist is getting paid more for using big words or phrases, it’s not something I’m going to be coming back to. I kept picturing people sitting around a coffee shop snapping their fingers while someone read bad poetry. Don’t ask me why.

The gags, I guess you’d call them, were generally not amusing, at least not to me. Too many of them seemed to revolve around one person being obnoxious to another and it somehow supposing to be funny. Some of them, such as the one entitled “Necktie Remedy,” simply made me want to reach into the comic and choke the “fun loving spirit” character on his own glasses, the insolent whelp! Having worked in the retail industry, and being a person who respects the dignity of others, few “jokes” make me smoke worse than the “I’ll be an obnoxious moron because I’m a customer and you can’t do anything about it” ones. I’m also not the kind of passive-aggressive “I won’t confront you but I’ll get my revenge another way” characters you see in this comic, either. Were I the “voice of reason” character, I’d have put the “fun loving spirit” guy out the window some time ago and never missed him.

The art? Well, overall that I will definitely say that it wasn’t bad. It was clean, the detail on a lot of the strips was pretty well done, and at least the artist looked like they were putting some thought into it when they drew it. That’s more than I can say for most of the anime….I mean manga….I MEAN….other webcomics out there. The pupil-less eyes, a’ la Little Orphan Annie kind of threw me, but hey - at least it didn’t look like they copied and pasted images from South Park in their comic! That has to count for something!

Overall, not a comic I’d recommend to someone looking for a light comic to simply enjoy, and also some language issues on occasions so I couldn’t really call it family friendly.

And that’s my review. Rating:

The Doctor

Applied Living

http://applied-living.com
written by Shaun Meyers
art by Dave Olson
review by The Doctor - the genuine article you might say
(3 votes, average: 4 out of 5)

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I had originally written a rather middle of the road review, thinking perhaps that because of my dislike for anime/manga I may have been a little harsh on the comic after my initial read. However, after seeing some of the other reviews I realized that it wasn’t just me, and so I feel a bit more confident in going back and editing my review a bit. Respected colleague and fellow reviewer, El Santo was concerned that the girls drawing this thing were young and didn’t want to be too harsh - I say “If you ask to be hung out as a target, expect to get some fire.” I figure it will be good for at least 10 years of the artist going through the typical “no one understands my work” angst, and I will have done my job. Maybe the angst will stop this thing from being perpetrated on the world any further than it has been already. (I’ve already been ripped apart on other blogs for my reviews, according to our esteemed moderator - I’m going for 2!)

Antics is an appropriate title, since the comic seems to revolve around just that - the antics of two girls who look like they either (a) need to go home so they won’t be late for homeroom tomorrow, or (b) are the most mentally/physically underdeveloped women the world has ever seen.

The overall comic is, to put it frankly, very poor, in my opinion. The art looks unfinished and sketchy (and I’m being generous, there), with little or no proportion, rhyme or reason, or even color to make it look like anything other than pages published out of a beginning art course. Done primarily in a flat, dull grey, you almost get the feeling you’re looking into someone’s dream, or perhaps seeing it though the eyes of the colorblind. All of the standard anime touches are here, like some kind of odd cross between “Pokemon” and being outright cartoon-like, and making it very hard on the eyes. I’ve never, in my 38 years of life, seen anyone who could make their faces contort the way these people do, nor have I seen anyone with hair that goes up into two 45 degree angles and then slopes down on either side of their face. And the eyes - are all of these people nocturnal, or what? They’d burn their retinas out in a heartbeat if they went out in the sun with eyes that big!

If you want to draw in the style, then at least learn HOW before you hang your work out for all to see.

The characters are, to be kind, dull and uninteresting. Stereotypical and dull-witted is what I would say if I wasn’t trying to be kind. Oh, that’s harsh, you say? Well, let’s see… the comic shown with this post, I believe, says it well. I’ll paraphrase what the characters are saying:

“Well, damnation, this has been a dull day.”

“Yeah, but you know the artist will throw in some hackneyed plot device any second now.” (POOF!) “Oh look! A swirling portal of energy that no one on God’s green Earth has ever seen before! It could take us right to the 10th level of Hell but hey! there’s pretty boys in there with no clothes on! LET’S GO THROUGH!” “

Hey, that sounds like a great idea! Boys are always fun! (giggle giggle)”

A sterling example to all the feminists out there, let me tell you! But…I digress.

Ok, first of all, boys/men as a general rule (and a matter of grammar, too, I believe) are handsome, not pretty. Usually “pretty” boys are a different, lesser breed altogether, so let’s get that straight RIGHT now. (Think of ol’ Tom “We’re all infected by aliens!” Cruise and you’ve got your pretty boy right there) With the exception of girls using the term on television sitcoms (I overheard it when I wasn’t too busy trying to claw my eyes out) I have never heard a boy described as pretty in any manner other than a derogatory one. Although to be fair, the way they drew the “boys” in this thing they look so much like girls themselves that I guess you could call them pretty. (shudder) Androgynous anime art (Alliteration, anyone?) - makes my skin crawl.

Ok, rant over, and back to the characters.

Can you say “stereotypical brain-dead teenage girls?” I knew you could. From their giggly demeanor to their vapid, wide eyed expressions, they fit the bill every time. What makes it even more laughable is the fact that earlier, the two girls were engaged in the typical “Oh that guy is such a low life” “Oh golly, yes, but he’s so CUTE!” conversation that is part and parcel of every show since Growing Pains. One girl’s name is “Ami” - now, when last I knew it was spelled AMY, unless of course you’re drawing heavily on the “totally overused Anime/Japanimation naming system ™ ,” in which case it’s Ami. With her friend being named Lys, I seriously expected one of them to turn into Sailor Moon, for pity’s sake. Of course, waiting on the other side of the portal is the incredibly handsome stranger (who, of course, is an anti-hero and provides the much needed romantic fantasy fulfillment of the girls in the story) and the story rapidly degenerates into a bad copy of Beverly Hills 90210. At that point my brain gives me an ultimatum - stop reading this or I’ll torment you with memories of this stinker FOREVER. So I stop reading.

The plot, if you can call it that, is something to do with gods, other realms, fate controlling your destiny, and of course these two girls being the focal point of it all. Yeah…that’s about what I said, too; “What, again?” I mean, sure, if I needed the universe saved, I’d choose two girls who haven’t progressed beyond the 10th grade “he’s hot and that’s all that matters” criteria for partners. (rolls eyes) Of course, this whole thing seems to be one overused collection of tropes, so I shouldn’t be surprised.

Come on, people. Can we have at least a passing nod to that lost art called “imagination”? This stuff belongs on the Disney channel line up for the afternoon, right after Hanna Montana, don’t you think?

So what do I say to you, the unwitting victims of this travesty of the art called the webcomic? I say that if you like your humor on the unimaginative teenage level, your art poorly sketched and your story so replete with gaping holes in logic that it could be an original series Star Trek episode, then read it. If you don’t, or like me, you didn’t like teenagers even when you were one, I say run, screaming, and do it NOW. I’d rather spend an hour in the Multiplex (See my review of the same) than read any more of this. That should tell you something. Rating:

And that’s my review.

The Doctor

Antics
by Katherine Taboda and Kristina Foster
http://antics.comicgenesis.co

(4 votes, average: 3.25 out of 5)

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No need for Bushido isn’t my type of comic, namely because it’s a long and involved storyline, but it definitely wasn’t bad, per se. The artwork was good and improved as time went on, and the story was interesting and funny , although replete with not only bone-jarringly obvious cliche, but also about every trope known to man(at least what I read of it was, anyway - the archives were a bit lengthy for me). I didn’t really see anything that was a big let down or would make me want to warn people away, aside from some slight nudity and a LOT of blood. Perhaps if you’re under 12 or so, you should consider reading something else.

Overall, I’d say a decent effort and worth reading if you have enough time to go through the entire archive.

Yeah, I know the review is short, too. Get used to it.

The Doctor - the definite article, you might say.

Rating:

No Need for Bushido
by Alex Kolesar and Joseph Kovell
http://www.noneedforbushido.com/

review by The Doctor

(4 votes, average: 4 out of 5)

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It’s hard to be called upon to review webcomics; at least it’s hard for me. I’m an artist of words, not pen and paper. My thinking tends to be linear and straightforward, with simple likes and dislikes. Despite this, I’ll keep chugging along (at least until the people with the pitchforks and torches come back, anyway), giving you my slightly off the center reviews on the comics we’re called upon to fence with. Just remember what I’ve said, ok? After all, pitchfork marks are hard to get out of walls, and torches cost money!

For my comics, I chose 4: Action Ohio, Hannibal goes to Rome, The Mean Model, and Children of Bighand. It was strange, too, because two of them were ok and two of them made me cringe. Ahh, which ones are which? Therein lies the tale.

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Welcome back! If you read my first review and came back again, congrats! If you read it and didn’t come back, then who are you and why are you posing as someone else?

Ok, I admit it. I don’t have the time to sit and read through 2 or 3 years of archives in order to get the big picture of the webcomic, talk about the evolution of the art, and all those other fancy things that artists do. Why? Well, if I told you that I’d give away information that could be detrimental to my secret identity (I’m NOT crazy – read the bio! They wrote it, I didn’t) so you’ll just have to take my word for it. Despite that, I do my level darndest to read as much of the webcomic as I can in order to give what I consider to be a relatively informed opinion on the comic.

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